A blonde's evolution.

So, I've always loved to experiment with my hair. If you can't change the world, change your hair, your clothes, or your attitude. Enjoy. 

It all started with curls. Note: Here is where my love for big hair and nautical wear began. Thanks, Mom. Also, I'd like to note that my brother is sporting a mullet and acid wash jeans. Snazzy.

Look at me and my beachy wavy hair. Why can't I still be this cool?

I've rocked super short with lots of different highlights.

Same hair, just curly.  (You can see my pink bra. SWEET.)

Lots of layers. Did NOT like this look.

Fancy make up and reddish locks.

Did not like this one either, but I'm wearing cowboy boots.

ULTRA blonde...from the bottle.

Same color, different style. See how much versatility curls give?

No bangs but curls abound.

Then I went to the dark side. It's cheaper there.

I grew it out a bit.

I let the curls go free.

I look like a rock star. Why am I cool only in pictures?

Bangs in the middle?

This is my favorite brunette color and style. 

This is the style I want. Perfect layers. Perfect length. Perfect color.

Angled toward the face. The Jennifer Anniston style will never die.

Super blonde to the rescue!

Let's be honest. I am including this picture because I love this one of us.

At a wedding. 

Look, Ma! No bangs!

Whoa, there, Nelly. 

Suuuuuper long.

Clipless curling iron.

I like all of the colors in my bangs (to be sung like all the colors of the wind.)

Softer curls with the bangs.

I'm diggin' it.

Pretty recent. 

Wedding hair. (I'm shamelessly wearing extensions.)

Extensions and cuteness (beside me).

I do not have photographic proof, but my hair has also been fire engine red and florescent orange. (As you can imagine, there are good reasons not to have documentation.) Many other styles graced my head, but these were the pictures I already uploaded to my computer. 

So, which styles and colors do you like best? 

Skinny is a dirty word.

Yep, I've always been little with big feet. 

Thanks to my grandmother and mother, I'm stacked like a twelve-year-old boy, but there are advantages to being blessed with no chest. Itty bitty booby committee members, listen up. 


First, allow me to highlight the pitfalls of having a washboard that extends from abs to shoulders.


One, almost every billowy blouse requires an undershirt unless I want to lean over and flash the Grand Canyon to anyone in sight. Hmmm, Grand Canyon is a terrible metaphor because the Grand Canyon actually has raised terrain. Perhaps that's wishful thinking. Now it's not that I dislike undershirts, but sometimes a girl just wants to throw on one shirt and feel satisfied that everything under it will remain unseen until it's replaced by pajamas. 


Two, nearly every well-endowed woman feels that it's her duty to explain to me the plight of possessing chesticles. I don't understand your goal for discussing this issue with me. Are you trying to make sure that I never buy (or attempt to grow) boobs of my own? Are you attempting to insult my lack of growth? Are you just in need of an ear (one that can be only sympathetic, not empathetic)? 


Three, it gets old being teased for "having a front as flat as your back" and sporting "mosquito bites." We've heard all of the insults, so let's move on. 


Now that I'm older and care less about public opinion than I once did, I see the perks to having no more than a handful.   


One, almost no shirt looks scandalous on a woman with a pre-teen upper half. (I've heard so many voluptuous women complain about their "girls" making them look like a prostitute, and not the gorgeous Julia Roberts type.) Side note: though it's nice not to worry about looking too scantily clad, let it be known, that sometimes it would be nice to actually fill out a shirt. Just sayin'.


Two, I can squeeze through small spaces without any obstacles in front of me, or on the front of me. Unlike one of our dogs, I can think small and actually be small. I think our 48-pound dog looks at our 28-pound dog and thinks, "Hey, if she can fit through that sliver of a space between the chair and the table, then so can I." She then proceeds to smash into the table leg. Thwarted again by your look-big-think-small mentality, my dear. 


Three, nothing can sag, if there's nothing to sag. 


Four, I can [sometimes] fabricate the illusion that something exists between my belly button and chin. Without the aid of three sports bras and rolls of duct tape, it's darn near impossible for well endowed women to hide their bounty. 


Five, boobs will never be the cause of my back problems. (Just stupid men who crash into the back of my car while I'm sitting at a red light.) 


Allow me to close my thoughts with this commentary. Women need to stop making each other feel ashamed of their sizes. 


The next time you healthy, thicker-than-me girls dine out at your favorite restaurant, please consider all of those delicious foods that you can eat without repercussions and remember that some of us "skinny" girls might never be able to eat them without severe intestinal distress (or death). For you mean thin girls, consider that the voluptuous woman you're making fun of for being "fat" might have a thyroid that's crashing, or she might be taking medication that made her gain a lot of weight that she's trying to lose, or she might have undiagnosed Celiacs that's making her whole body swell with every bite of foods she doesn't realize she should avoid. 


I know I started with boobs, but the bigger picture is this: women, you don't know why a woman is the size she is (even when you think you know, you don't), so try to focus on the positives. Maybe she has amazing shoes, or she has such beautiful curls. For the past few years, I've tried to refocus my thinking. When I catch myself making a snarky remark (which always stems from my own insecurities), I try to find something positive or at least acknowledge that I'm jealous of her __________. 


(I'm even finding it much harder to watch any "reality" TV because of how mean they are to each other. Of course, that doesn't mean I've stopped watching shows that turn my brain to mush after a long day of teaching.)


The less time we spend bashing other women the more time we free up to better ourselves. 

Dressing up jeggings...non-hooker-pants style

Some girls who wear leggings or jeggings or tights or whatever are downright scandalous.

If you're going out in public, please cover your butt. Literally. Cover it. Especially if you are not wearing underwear that covers your whole butt and your jeggings/leggings/whatever are transparent. Obscene. I do not wish to see what yo' momma gave you.

In order to avoid offending anyone, I'm going to leave it at that. Just cover up your lady parts, please.

Tunic: NY & Co. (last summer)
Cardigan: LOFT (last year)
Necklace: gift from Momma Dukes
Jeggings: NY & Co. (last year)
Black flats: Marc Fisher at Macy's (bought them in January '12)

I'm a hula dancer (be prepared for high dollar amusement)

Today's outfit is brought to you by The Limited.

Today's hair style is brought to you by Curls Rock (because they do).

A new lease on marriage (and two outfits)

So, Jeff started his new job (at the same company) today; after six long months, he's finally back on day shift. I obviously realized how much I missed him when he wasn't home at night, but I didn't realize just how amazing it would be to have him home. We can be married now! :)

Yesterday, we both cleaned out our closets (so many bags of clothes to donate) and organized the basement. Last night, we popped Big Bang Theory into the TV, and I dreamily fell asleep with a sweet husband next to me. Blissful. This morning, Jeff woke up with me, ate breakfast with me, warmed up my car, reminded me to take my green tea, and saw me off to work. I knew it was going to be a good day, and it was.

I'm so happy to finally have a husband.

Please enjoy Saturday's outfit and today's outfit. (I did not dare take pictures of my "cleaning" outfit from yesterday. Not pretty.)

 Saturday's Outfit

What was I doing? Gettin' my hair did. Yay for snipping off dead ends.

What do I like? The colors and the polka dots.

What's my problem with the ensemble? Too much of one color. Agreed? I think I should keep both the pants and the top, but I think they need to be paired with different outfits. What do you think?

Also, shirt tucked in or bloused out?

 

Top: NY & Co.

Shoes: Target

Pants: Boscov's (I can't remember the brand, but Delia's sells them too)

Today's (Monday) Outfit

What was I doing? Teaching, duh.

What do I like? The colors. The fact that I'm channeling Green Acres

What don't I like? I wish the pants were a bit longer so that I could wear heels. The pant length made flats necessary; however, I love the shoes.  

 

Checkered button up: Old Navy

Cardigan: The Limited (comes with a tie, which I opted out of using)

Pants: NY & Co.

Necklace: A math teacher from my old school gave it to me (she was cleaning out her wonderfully styled closet...I win!)

Belt: American Eagle circa middle school (no lie)--it's also a boy's belt

Shoes: Baker's

P.S. It really makes me laugh that Saturday's outfit matched my bedroom walls, and today's outfit matched my dining room wall. I totally planned that.

The ugly truth about Uggs

Allow me to explain why I hate Uggs. 

I know, I know. You're thinking, "She can't be serious. Everyone wears Uggs. She's going to offend people." If I truly cared about offending people with my opinions (especially about a pair of shoes), I would rarely open my mouth, and I wouldn't be the product of my sassy set of parents. I can assure you that I am not the milkman's baby. I repeat: allow me to explain why I hate Uggs. I clarify: I do not think people who wear Uggs have no fashion sense, nor do I always judge the person who's sporting them. I simply wish the trend would end.


1. Uggs flatter NO woman's feet. In fact, they make every woman look like she has bear paws, not dainty, feminine feet. I do not care how small your feet are; your feet still look like mammoth deformities dangling from your calves. Why on earth would you want to wear shoes that make you look like Ronald McDonald's wife? I'm confused.

2. If you're already clumsy, Uggs do not lend you grace. In fact, they trip you. All. the. time. I am walking behind you and laughing wondering how you're not unleashing a set of curse words on the inanimate objects sheltering your feet because you're wearing shoes that make jumping on a pogo stick look easy. Walking into oncoming traffic seems like a safer option. (Admittedly, by the end of the day, I have mysterious bruises all over my legs; I do not need to wear deceptively "comfortable" shoes to help me run into more student desks.)

I know what you're thinking again: "can't you make the same argument about heels?" I would have to agree. You're right. Heels can send a girl flying, BUT she'll look damn cute as she soars through the air. If she's wearing heels, she'll make a delicate "tink" when she meets the floor. If she's wearing Uggs, she'll make an ungraceful "thunk" as she smashes into the ground.

3. Far too many girls who wear Uggs do not pick up their feet when they walk, so every time these girls move their feet, it sounds like someone is rearranging furniture. If the shoes that you're wearing prevent you from lifting your feet, you might want to consider new footwear. (Every day you're shufflin'. Do do do do do do do.) What happens if someone steals your purse and runs away? I'll tell you what happens: you hope to God that you stashed no embarrassing photos in that purse because it will never be yours again. Good luck when those pictures of you sporting your uncle's mustache and toupee leak to Facebook. Thank your Uggs.

4. Maybe I wouldn't loathe Uggs so much if more girls who wore Uggs dressed them up in some way, any way. But no. What do they (not all of them, mind you) do? They stuff their oversized, MC Hammer-style, tacky, tie-dye sweatpants into the tops of their worn out Ugglies. Half of the time, they're even too lazy to stuff both pant legs into their boots, so they LL Cool J it and let one pant leg fall to their ankles. Not sexy. If you possessed no desire to attract men, then congratulations. Mission accomplished. I understand that you're tired, sick, whatever, but how difficult is it to at least pair your boots with a cute sweater dress and leggings/jeggings/skinny jeans? (Note: if you are pairing your boots with leggings, please ensure that said leggings are not diaphanous and paired with a short top. Only opaque leggings here, ladies.)

Pam Anderson is adorable, but why not wear tennis shoes when you walk your dog?

5. Not that heels are good for your feet, but many of you women act like Uggs are sooo comfortable and soooo good for your feet. Balderdash. I've seen far too many of you nearly twist your ankles in those death traps, and they're not even three inches from the ground. You're level with the ground and still nearly dismembering yourself as you try to walk down a stairwell. It's as if the moment your foot slips into those puppies your ankles turn to Jell-o and you lose all control of your feet. Caution: you are not a weeble wobble, which means you can and will fall down. One of my co-workers suffered a stroke, and her doctor made her stop wearing Uggs for this very reason.

I cannot justify spending a sweat-inducing amount of money on a pair of deceptively comfortable, unflattering, face-breaking shoes that make me sound like Quasimodo skulking down the hallway.

I am aware that a very rare few can make Uggs look presentable and even cute, and I am also aware that I'm "picking on" Uggs. However, I feel entitled to this unpopular opinion because, as a teacher, I have to watch my teenage students pair these what could possibly be less hideous boots with a litany of offensive outfit combinations. When you dress like a slob, you often feel like one.

Enjoy some of the following pictures with uncensored captions.

Cute outfit. She's trying to dress up the Uggs, but look at the back of the boots. Do you see how they are smushed and decidedly unsafe? I know they make her whip her hair back and forth, but she's one step closer to whipping her face into the concrete. 

Okay, so it appears that she is cute no matter what. I still think a different pair of shoes would be more flattering, but she makes them work. I guess.

All of these outfits are so cute, but they lose all of their shape by their feet. With their piggy banks, couldn't they afford a sleek pair of Frye boots to complement their outfits? As for you Jennifer Aniston, I thought better of you. I thought better of you.

Moral of the story? Save the money that you would be spending on Uggs and buy yourself a furry kitten to curl up on your feet. As far as I know, Uggs can't purr.

Can you wear the same pair of shoes two days in a row?

I ask you this question because I had a 30 minute debate with my student aide who said to me, "Umm, Ms. Wo, why are you wearing the same shoes you wore yesterday? That's not okay."

I proceeded to make the following argument: "First, when your shoes are this cute, you can wear them for as many days in a row as you want. Second, I did not win best dressed last year for nothing. Third, these are the most comfortable heels that I have ever worn. Finally, you are wearing Uggs, which, if you didn't know, stands for ugly, so why would I listen to you?"

So, tell me, are you of my student aide's mindset? Do you think a girl cannot wear the same shoes two days in a row? I say that if I like them a lot and my two outfits are completely different, then who cares? Whatever. I would show both outfits to you, but I fell asleep at 5:30p.m. yesterday, and I did not wake up until 4:30 this morning. Taking an outfit-of-the-day picture was not top on my priority list. Brushing my teeth was.

Anyway, here's today's casual Friday outfit. (Tell me if these shoes are cute enough to wear two days in a row. Actually, don't. Unless you agree with me.)

I found the sweater for cheap at Old Navy. The gold necklaces are from NY & Co. The long-sleeved shirt is from Target. I love me some Target. The jeans are from The Limited. I bought them on sale for about $20. I'm that awesome. 

I'm standing awkwardly, but I look cool in real life. Honest. 

 

My dancing fool, Squirt, and I. She howls for the heels.

No matter what you say, I will still wear these as much as I want. If you like them, then you might be able to find them at Marshall's; they're Jones New York. 

Perfect heel height for a long day at work. My back and feed did not hurt at all!